am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
