So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
