Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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