I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
