shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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