my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
