ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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