im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
