and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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