He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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