He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
