What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
