so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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