I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
