Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
