i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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