I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
