and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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