And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
