Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
