God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
