It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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