he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
