We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
