He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
