is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Someone signed my nipple.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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