Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
