they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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