Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
