You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This baby is an asshole
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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