you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
