I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
