i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
