Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
