Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
