You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
