You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
