when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
