dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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