Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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