Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
