Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
