Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
