im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
