Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
