i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
