Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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