i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
