you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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