I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
