if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
