Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
