Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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