she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
