In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
