Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
