Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
