Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
