There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
