But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
