I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
