No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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