So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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