My liver just broke up with me...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
