Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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