McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
