he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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