He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All the doctor said was why
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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