every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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