Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
