Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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